Life is about choices

In the name of Allah, the most Merciful and Most Loving..the All forgiving

Finally...alhamdulillah...my blog is now okay...can't really understand why my blog seems 'merajuk' since my last entry..huhu..maybe it does not like me posting negative thoughts randomly...haih~....should have been more patient though..

Now, returning to the lesson that i learned from my journey to mecca and madinah, the holy land. Actually, there are tons of experiences i would like to share but no words can translate the experience into something readable...plus...i am not a good writer myself..that's make sense...^^

But allow me to try...i just make a summary though...

Mecca and Madinah, two holy lands that have witnessed endless tears from a sinful slave of Allah, Lord Almighty. Kaabah, a square building that brings hundreds feelings to this little servant of Allah...a question remains.."what more should i ask?"..

Nikmat yang mana yang kau dustakan?..this verse of quran from surah Ar-rahman keep playing in my ears each and every time i perform 'tawaf', 'salat' and even when reciting quran in the holy mosque..true enough..why should i complaint?

Life is about choices...and all these while, i have made many choices..*note: i am impromptu kind of person*..i decide first, then i bear the consequences..for me, there are no right or wrong choices, there are only consequences..this is how i used to think. but now, though i still keep things simple but i do a lot of thinking before actually decide on certain things..because now, i have learned to take responsibility on every action that i take.

After 23 years old of living, minus the childhood period- 10 years of 'maturity', only now i realized many of my choices are wrong..most of the time..but really, Allah is the most loving..Allah invites me through His gentleness and mercy..Slowly He brings me 'home'..where He showered me with His love and care.

I love people around me..i really do..Allah sent His love through people around me. What more should i ask?

I made mistakes...and still do..perhaps maybe until the day i die, i will still make mistakes because humans are not perfect..but i wish Allah grants me, you, and us, His protection and accepts our repent..

If what i did seem wrong, I apologize..forgive me...

I pray to Allah, for He will give us His 'rahmah' and forgive our sins then and now


M.

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Bismillah...In the name of Allah the Most Merciful and the Most Loving..

Before i continue with the stories of my journey to Mecca and Madina...i would take a diverge because i felt troubled in mind...so...finally after a week, i decided to mumbling here...the only place where i can literally let down my guard and be honest..

The famous psychology tagline "JUST BE YOURSELF"..now...the question is...I almost forgot how to be myself...again?..what i know, i don't like myself then and i still have not yet comfortable with myself now...so..what be YOURSELF should be???

For a week...this question has troubled me..i cannot focus on almost everything...day and night..things feel the same..and quiet blurry..then i realized..i am lost!..what MYSELF is?..~~if there is such question~~...this requires a deep thinking...and all you know, such question only invite war between the heart and the brain..both refuse to comprehend the syntax and fail to digest the question..

I know this might sound weird..after all the journey i have been through...almost a year after the accident..after all the significant events that occurred throughout the year...here i am..questioning myself, how to be myself?..then i started questioning EVERYTHING that my mind pass through...why i open this blog?why i write?why??and the WHY continues endlessly...and till now..even when i am sitting on my chair, writing this entry, i am still looking for the answers... *sigh*

What is this?I mean..i do not know myself?what i am capable of?you must be kidding me...but yeah...i am a bit lost here...does anyone notice that?i bet none...cause i am living remotely from 'human'...to be precise, remotely in the manner of sharing thoughts and feelings..yup..don't want to be a burden is the reason..yet i end up messing with own mind..thanks...

DON'T GIVE IN TO PRESSURE...a nice motto...again..a famous psychology tagline...i tried...but i failed...i can't comprehend people anymore..i do good things, they misunderstood..i do bad things, they put blame..they labeled..i keep silent, they said i am ignorant to surrounding, i voice out, they said i talked rubbish..now..what is right and what is wrong to do?again...am i being MYSELF or i just want to please people?if being MYSELF means lots of hearts are going to be hurt and tears fell down...i rather not be MYSELF.but if not being myself means i do what people want out of me..trying to achieve every single expectation they lie upon me, listen to every details of critics they throw at me...ouch!..that is going to be bitterweet..

So the question....HOW TO BE MYSELF?...i don't have the answer yet...

Believe it or not, here I am...questioning me, one after another..with endless questions to be answered..self-talked is not really 'fun' in this period of time..@_@

May Allah guide me through this..i really don't want to mess up anymore...

M.

Ibrah sebuah perjalanan..(Madinah & Masjidil Haram)

Assalamualaikum...Bismillahirahmannirahim....

Ahlan wa sahlan ya ramadan...Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah...Allah izinkan saya dan kita semua bertemu dengan ramadan pada tahun ini bersama kudrat bagi melaksanakan ibadah sebaik mungkin..insyaAllah..

Ramadan, bulan penuh barakah...langsung dengan kepulangan saya dari tanah suci pada hari ahad yang lalu, 3 hari sebelum ramadan menjadikan topik Ibrah Sebuah Perjalanan (Madinah & Masjidil Haram) menjadi topik pembuka bagi bulan yang mulia ini...

Tiada lafaz yang mampu saya ucapkan diatas nikmat Allah yang terlalu melimpah2 kepada saya yang hina ini..dengan persiapan yang seadanya bersama ketakutan dosa yang meninggi...Allah tetap bukakan jalan..untuk melihat sendiri kekuasaanNya..Jujur, saya juga sedikit terkesan dengan kisah si pendosa tak jumpa kaabah bila di Masijidil Haram dek kerana dosa yang terlalu banyak..Allah bayar cash..as they said..Jadi bila pertama kali mata melihat bangunan segi empat berwarna hitam itu benar2 berada dihadapan mata, air mata kesyukuran menitis tanpa dipaksa...*saya yakin semua jemaah mengalami pengalaman yang sama*

Perjalanan kami bermula dari Lapangan terbang Jeddah, terus ke Madinah dan berkampung disana selama 3 hari...Tenang...itu lah Madinah...tanah kecintaan Nabi SAW...tempat makamnya baginda dan para sahabat..selepas tiga hari, kami berangkat ke Mekah. Berniat ihram di Bir Ali (tempat yang sama Rasulullah berniat ihram) dan langsung mengerjakan umrah wajib setibanya kami di Mekah selepas 6jam perjalanan menaiki bas...suasana hiba melaungkan talbiah memenuhi rongga jiwa..

Saya ringkaskan pengalaman saya menjadi beberapa point:

1) Raudah, Malunya kita kepada Nabi Muhammad SAW

2) Panas?Allah mudahkan kepada sesiapa yang Dia kehendaki

3) Islam hanya pada solat?

4) Tukang cuci yang tidak menerima sedekah

5) Doa mustajab

6) Seperti itu rupanya pohon kurma kosong yang tumbang!

7) Sakit sebagai penghapus dosa

InsyaAllah, akan saya kongsi cerita dari sudut pandangan saya sebagai insan kerdil..bukan bermaksud menjadi yang ideal tetapi sekadar berkongsi pengalaman...setiap undangan Allah pasti membawa cerita yang berbeza..

Raudah, Malunya kita kepada Nabi Muhammad SAW

Umum mengetahui, Raudah ialah antara taman syurga..tempat Rasulullah bersolat dan tempat yang mustajab doanya..Justeru, ramai yang menginginkan bersolat sunat dan berdoa di Raudah, Masjid Nabawi, Madinah. Jadi kenapa saya kata malu kita pada Nabi Muhammad SAW?..masih jelas dimata saya, dua wanita bertumbuk kerana berebut2 untuk mendirikan solat dan ada yang lain meraung2 meratapi makam Rasulullah..MasyaAllah...adakah ini adab berada di makam Rasulullah?saya yang jahil ini mula mempersoalkan bagaimana kita sanggup bergaduh di makam Rasulullah?..mungkin orang yang lebih alim dari saya ada jawapan, tapi saya tetap bertanya dalam hati..

Sayu hati melihat saudara2 seiman seakan lupa hablul minallah, habul minannas..dalam keadaan berhati-hati dan yakin pada rezeki dari Allah, kami bergilir2 menjaga diri masing2 secara kumpulan..Alhamdulliah, kami selamat menunaikan solat sunat di Raudah..hati kecil saya terdetik, adakah harga solat sunat dan doa diraudah adalah pergaduhan dan perebutan?Subhanallah, kita perlu lebih banyak bertafakkur dan muhasabah diri..kalau tidak, malu kita pada kekasih Allah, Nabi Muhammad SAW..kerana baginda bersabda "sesiapa yang menziarahi makamku, seakan-akan dia menziarahi aku semasa hidupku", maka sudah pasti Rasulullah akan mengetahui siapa si polan dan si polan yang menziarahi baginda. Bagaimana adab kita semasa berziarah?Apakah niat kita?..Subhanallah..Allah tarbiah saya dengan contoh real didepan mata.

InsyaAllah saya sambung topik yang lain dientry selanjutnya...Assalamualaikum

Saudara di Palestine tidak dilupakan

M.